How do I tell you, mom, that he does not want it anymore, that he has fallen out of love, that you cannot give me advice anymore on how we can set up our clinic and where to establish our practice, that a wedding you have always been so excited about may not happen.

I’m sorry, mom, I screwed up, but I held on. When I asked you if I should break it off with him, and i thought I had valid reasons, you told me not to make hasty decisions. You actually said no. But mom,  I feel like I’m just waiting for “the wedding”, that I’m stuck to an itinerary of my life. I want to see other people and explore my options.  You liked him a lot, you knew he was good for me and you were always right, mom.

I did what I did because it was my choice. I’m sorry. But I held on. I could have found reasons to break up with him, but I looked for reasons not to. I talked about him a lot.  How he pulls me together. How he keeps me sane. How he can make a good partner.

In two days, we are flying to Bacolod.  Thanks for being so supportive of the relationship. I cannot help but hope it would turn things around, make him change his mind.  But I love him so much I believe him, and trust the wisdom in his decision.  It was a decision of long thinking, I guess, because he told me after a nice dinner, after walking with his arm around my shoulder, before my banana split was served.  Did the banana split give a premonition?  Whatever. But you see, he was not angry, he was not emotional when he told me “we should grow..as friends.”  Fuck that.  He is not someone who breaks up to be chased after. You guys are so alike.

I held on, mom, despite everything. Couldn’t that be enough?


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