When you try to be friends

You’re already messed up. and broken. and sad. and depressed.  You have so much drama going on and you’re paranoid that nobody wants to talk about sad things and heartbreak especially if it’s not their warfare.

What if it is their warfare too? It’s yours and his and you want to be friends.  Sort of like starting over, making things right, building a stronger foundation which you never actually had because you were never friends friends.  You were lovers friends. And that’s the problem.  How do you act now? You talk over the phone before sleeping, ask how your day went, throw in some jokes, inside jokes and then you feel connected, but it’s another day when you wake up.  Another busy day. You have your stuff going and he has his own stuff going, too.  A message or a call once in a while, to say something funny that happened.  But a no reply or no callback won’t hurt because you’re friends.  Friends just catch up, and laugh anything off. any sad thing off.

But friends rant to each other about bitch fits, diet, school, sexcapades, boys who ogle at them, girls who flirt with them, and relationships.  Yep, you’re being friends with your ex to tell him you’re miserable and your problem is he.  So you try to avoid that topic and filter your thoughts while you talk to him.  Forget about being completely honest because you want him to be at ease, and unburdened by negative vibes.

I guess you just concede to the other friends who make him truly happy and enjoy himself because he deserves it.  And you, too, cut yourself some slack and try being friends with yourself first.


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