Monthly Archives: September 2013

Note to self

Post-its all over my wall for things to do.  I cry at them.  I might as well write a message to myself. 

Dear Self, 

You have 6 exams coming up, 3 of those you have to ace for you to pass the subjects. And your ex whom you’re trying to “get things in order” with is how-should-you-explain the girl/s he adores in instagram totally helps you channel your inner green monster.  

The adult who cared about you told you already that if a person wants you back, that person will plead for you, beg for you. Did you listen? Nope. Cos you think you have to accept the love you think you deserve. So you let your guard down cos you think it was alright.  It was okay, you were okay.  You see the sacrifices but you feel that he’s not even half as crazy about him as you are.  Darling, won’t you ever learn? He is probably just not that into you. Why are you still there.

To-do:

Post- hell weeks. Whatever you want. 

Noted. 

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What’s brave

Oh please. It’s easy to lie about being okay when you’re not.  We do that all the time anyway, lie.  What gets us tongue-tied, rather, is telling the truth. And so putting into words “I am sad.” is an even braver thing to do.  It takes so much pride to admit that we’ve lost our control over ourselves because as many have pointed, happiness is a choice.  Geez if only it were that easy.

And it’s not like I am not happy at all.  I am. But I’d like to say the most honest feeling:

I am sad.